


Hold Me Close And Tell Me Lies

by WhispersInTheWing



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Depression, Guns, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Shooting, Suicide, Suicide Notes, Suicide Video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:31:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4303209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhispersInTheWing/pseuds/WhispersInTheWing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seth Rollins had it all: He'd just cashed in the Money In The Bank briefcase on The Grandest Stage Of All- Wrestlemania and won the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. He had his long time friend turned boyfriend Dean Ambrose in his bed at night and was on the fast track to becoming the greatest World Heavyweight Champion of the current era.</p><p>But what happens when everything falls apart around him? How will he cope losing it all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hold Me Close And Tell Me Lies

**Author's Note:**

> This is something that came to my head and would not leave ... it demanded to be put down before it disappeared. NOT A HAPPY FIC! I cannot stress that enough. This thing does NOT have a happy ending and there are tons of triggers in here. If you aren't comfortable with suicide, talk of suicide or talk of depression and drinking than this is not the fic for you.
> 
> I don't own anything to do with WWE or the Superstars, I'm just borrowing them to torture.
> 
> Let me know if I need to add any additional tags!
> 
> Note: Everything in **bold** is Dean speaking in the video.

Seth Rollins walked through the backstage area of the arena, the WWE World Heavyweight Championship high on his shoulder and a wide grin on his face. It was the morning of RAW one week after WrestleMania, where Seth had cashed in his Money In The Bank briefcase and pinned Roman Reigns for the win in the main event. He was on cloud 9, riding the high from his monumental win and what would surely be the start of his rise to legend status.

Seth stopped in his tracks, looking around in confusion. Usually at this time of the day the backstage was bustling with superstars and divas preparing for the show later that night, but for some odd reason, it was deserted. “Hello? Where is everyone?” Seth asked, turning in a circle. It was never this quiet or empty; there was always someone backstage.

“Seth! There you are!” Nikki Bella called out, jogging towards him from the end of the hall. She was still in her street clothes, her brown hair thrown up in a messy ponytail.

“Nikki, where is everyone? Did the show get cancelled?” Seth wondered. Nikki pulled on Seth’s arm, dragging him in the direction of the ring and stage.

“Hunter’s called an emergency company meeting. He says it urgent and everyone needs to be there,” Nikki replied.

“Is-is Dean there?” Seth hadn’t spoken with Dean outside of work since that fateful day when he betrayed his brothers and sided with The Authority. Roman understood that Seth was only doing what creative wanted him to do, and didn’t hold any ill will for the two toned kid from Davenport. But Dean had distanced himself from not only Roman, but the rest of their co-workers as well. Over the last two months, Dean had stopped coming into work and wouldn’t answer anyone’s phone calls … let alone Seth’s.

“Sorry Seth, no one’s seen him for months. Hunter and Steph went by his place last week, but no one answered the door. His landlord let them in, and the place was deserted; like no one has lived there for a while. I think this meeting might be about Dean.” Nikki fell silent after that, not trusting her voice to hold steady.

The two of them stepped onto the stage and made their way down the ramp to join the large group that had gathered. The ring had yet to be set up, allowing for everyone to fit easily in the space. They were all talking amongst themselves, trying to figure out what the meeting was about. Seth spotted Roman standing next to Kane and J&J Security, obviously attempting to weasel any info out of Kane.

“I’m telling you man, I don’t know what this is about. I’m just as in the dark as you are.” Seth heard Kane say as he stood at Roman’s side.

Seth opened his mouth to ask Roman about Dean, when Hunter and Stephanie stepped on stage, a microphone in her hand.

“Thank you all for showing on such short notice,” Stephanie began. “We’ve called this meeting because we have some news to share with everyone. As you all know, Dean Ambrose has been MIA for the past two months. His apartment was abandoned, and all efforts to contact him have been futile.” Stephanie paused, drawing in a shaky breath. “Early this morning we received a video recording from police addressed from Dean Ambrose. Inside were instructions to play it today before RAW.” Stephanie motioned up to the Titantron.

Dean’s face popped up on screen, and Seth couldn’t hold back a gasp. Dean’s hair was much longer, hanging down to his shoulders in greasy locks. He’d let his beard grow out and unkempt, and it looked as though Dean hadn’t showered in months. But what was most shocking to Seth was the room Dean was in. It was his apartment. He recognized the painting above the bed and the hideous wallpaper that his mother had insisted he put up. Seth hadn’t been home in two weeks, far too busy with WrestleMania Axxess and the aftermath to travel all the way home. This was the first time he’d been in Iowa since before WrestleMania. People gasped and murmured about Dean’s appearance.

_He looks awful.  
_

_He hasn’t showered in weeks._

_Look at the picture on the table!_

_Is that Seth’s place?_

_Why is he at Seth’s?_

Seth wondered the same thing. Why on Earth was Dean at his house? And why didn’t he call and tell Seth he was okay?

**If you’re watching this, this tape right here, then that means I’m dead.**

The divas cried out, as well as many of the men. They were trying to come to terms with what exactly Dean meant by that.

**I’m sorry. I tried to be strong, to get past what happened that day. But I couldn’t. I tried telling myself that I was better than him; that I was stronger than him and that I didn’t need him. I was only kidding myself. I needed him more than I needed to breathe. I needed him more than I could put into words. Did you know that all the alcohol in the world can’t take away the sting of betrayal?**

_Who is he talking about?  
_

_What day does he mean?_

**Seth.** There was a long pause, Seth’s name hanging in the air. Seth could feel every pair of eyes turn in his direction. He didn’t care, didn’t tear his gaze from the man on screen. He never thought he’d see Dean looking as bad as he did in the video.

**I remember the day you walked into NXT. You took my breath away Seth. With that damn blonde patch and that thousand-watt smile. I was smitten, and have been ever since. And that day we all came together as the Shield – you, me and Roman – I felt like I had won the lottery. After Elimination Chamber I knew that I had to tell you how much I cared about you. Who am I kidding? I had to tell you how much I loved you. You were my first and only true love, Seth. I gave you everything I had; every part of my body and soul.**

_“Damn it Dean,”_ Seth thought, tears burning in his eyes. _“I gave you everything too. We were happy together, you idiot.”_

**When you betrayed the Shield, you broke my heart. I knew it was just another storyline, another way for creative to get butts in seats and money in pockets. But it hurt Seth. It hurt in a way I couldn’t handle; a way I didn’t know how to handle. It felt like a knife twisted in my heart. Dean laughed dryly, eyes dropping down from the camera to something in his hands off screen. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye in person, Seth. It was too hard. I didn’t want to hear you try to change my mind either.**

Dean looked up into the camera again, tears falling down his cheeks like silent rivers. Seth could feel tears of his own wetting his face, but didn’t bother wiping them away.

**I love you Seth Rollins. I love everything about you. I can’t imagine my life without you, but I just can’t get over what you did. I can’t get out of this dark place Seth. I’m sorry. Goodbye Seth. Goodbye Roman. You’ll always be my brothers.**

Dean lifted his hand, a silver pistol coming into view. A collective gasp rose from the gathered crowd. Surely he wasn’t going to do what they thought he was about to do, was he?

Dean let out a long, shaky breath and put the barrel of the gun in his mouth. He closed his eyes and waited – one, two three. He cocked the gun, and taking one last look in the camera, pulled the trigger.

Seth fell to his knees, loud sobs echoing through the silent arena. No, no. Dean can’t be dead … he can’t be! He was vaguely aware of Roman dropping down beside Seth, pulling the smaller man to his feet with an arm around his shoulders. He was also aware of Roman speaking softly in his ear, but couldn’t make out the words. He looked around at his friends and co-workers; everyone was mourning and trying help each other cope with what they had just seen.

_H-how could he do that?  
_

_Why didn’t anyone see the signs?_

_Look, there’s something else!_

Seth looked up warily, heart breaking at what he saw. The camera had turned to static briefly before running again. Dean must’ve set the camera on a timer to record so that it wasn’t running for hours showing his dead body. Seth cried out louder as his face showed up on screen, holding the WWE World Heavyweight title high over his head in celebration as fireworks exploded in the night sky above the arena. Dean had taped WrestleMania, he had seen Seth cash in on his former brother Roman Reigns in what had probably been the final nail in Dean’s coffin. He had killed Dean. No matter which way you sliced it, Seth had been the one to pull the trigger in the end.

Seth pushed Roman away. “I have to go,” he mumbled. He raced from the arena, tears blurring his vision. He got into his car, knowing deep down he had to go home and see that Dean was really dead. His phone rang halfway into the trip, it was Roman calling to see if he was alright.

 _“Talk to me Seth, please. This wasn’t your fault. Dean was depressed, there wasn’t anything anyone could’ve done. Please say something Seth! Don’t do anything rash! Dean wouldn’t want you to take that way out! Seth!”_ Roman’s pleas went unheard; Seth recognized what he had to do.

Seth pulled into his driveway well after midnight, looking up at the dark window of his bedroom. _I’m coming Dean._ Seth opened the front door, the smell of death thick in the air. He toed off his boots and left them in the living room. “I’m coming Dean,” Seth muttered, running hands through his hair. Seth was aware that Dean’s body wasn’t in his house anymore; it was sitting in the morgue at the police station downtown.

Seth nudged the bedroom door open and slowly stepped inside. His gaze took in the blood soaked comforter and crimson splatters on the wall. He took in the police tape discarded in the trash can beside the bed, and the eerie silence blanketing the house. Seth toed off his boots and left them by the door … he won’t need them where he’s going.

He sat down on the bed, mindful of the stain his love had left behind. Seth set the WWE World Heavyweight Championship on the bed next to him.

“Dean,” Seth began, looking around the room. “I don’t know what there is on the other side, so I’m not sure if you can even hear me or not. I’m sorry I drove you to take your life. I never meant to hurt you like that. I love you Dean, more than anything in the world. I never wanted to make you feel like you weren’t good enough, like you were a nuisance. I’m the one who wasn’t good enough! I was a greedy, inconsiderate idiot! And now you’re gone … gone forever. I know sorry will never be enough; sorry won’t bring you back. I just hope that you’re waiting for me in whatever afterlife there is, and that you’ll forgive me. I love you Dean Ambrose.” Seth reached into the nightstand and pulled out a black handgun, turning it slowly over in his hands.

There was a loud crash downstairs, and Roman’s frantic voice drifted up the stairs. “Seth!” He called out. “Seth I’m here.” Roman raced upstairs, coming to a sudden stop in the doorway.

“Go home Roman,” Seth whispered, his voice barely audible across the distance. “Go home to your family; to your wife and daughter. They need you more than I do.”

Roman took a step into the room. “Don’t do this Seth. This isn’t the answer, not to what you’re feeling right now. Dean wouldn’t want you to follow in his footsteps like this. Put the gun down and let’s get out of here. You shouldn’t be in here.” He waited a moment before crossing the room and sitting down beside Seth on the bed. Roman wrapped an arm around the smaller man’s shoulders and pulled him in to his side.

“I know you think you’re the reason Dean killed himself. I know you blame yourself for it. But it’s not your fault Seth. Dean was depressed long before The Shield broke up; he just knew how to hide it. I know you don’t want to think about it, but after that day you started acting differently towards Dean. Almost like you didn’t think he would still love you now that you weren’t fighting for justice alongside me and him. Dean would always love you no matter what. He didn’t fall in love with Seth Rollins—the architect of The Shield, he fell in love with Seth Rollins—the person,” Roman explained, hoping to ease his brother off the ledge. “Dean was crazy about you Seth. He just … wasn’t very good with words.”

Seth stood from the bed, Roman immediately following suit. “I’m just going to the bathroom. I need to get some water.” Seth waved Roman off and retreated into the bathroom, locking the door silently behind him. Nothing Roman said changed how Seth felt about himself. He knew he was the reason Dean was dead, and Seth was going to right that. Seth turned on the shower, using it to mask the sobs that he could no longer hold in.

Everything came crashing down around Seth, pulling him deeper into the dark place in his mind. He could hear Dean’s voice in his head, sneering at him and calling him horrid names. Dean had never said those things to him, but Seth’s dark place twisted words and memories into something he couldn’t recognize. Seth pulled the pistol from the waistband of his pants and set it down on the sink.

“Seth? Are you okay in there? Come on Seth, say something! SETH!” Roman shouted as he pounded on the bathroom door. “SETH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR! DON’T DO THIS! DEAN WOULDN’T WANT YOU TO DO THIS! SETH!”

Seth cocked the gun, closing his eyes as he placed the barrel to his temple. A single tear slid down his cheek. “I’m coming Dean.”


End file.
